Picking Up a Spare

I went bowling last night with Chris, the guy who helped me with my spark plugs a few months ago, and two of his friends. I hadn't been bowling since Ex and I were still dating. In fact, the one time we went bowling was actually the last date we went on before breaking up a week later. I'm not an especially great bowler (I can bowl around 100 on a good day), although I do have my own ball from when I took a bowling class in college back in 1993. I have a thing about touching other people's sporting equipment, so any sport I plan on playing more than a few times is one in which I own my own equipment. I have my own pool cue, by the way.

I had a really good time bowling with Chris and his friends, a heavy set guy with a peach-fuzz moustache named Joe, and a tall average sized guy with a shaggy haircut named Beckett. All three of the guys are under twenty years old. None of them were particularly good at bowling, either, although they kept playing as though they knew what they were doing. All were fond of throwing heavy balls and curving them as hard as humanly possible. Consequently, alot of their hooks ended up in the gutter! For my part, I like a lighter ball (mine is only 12 pounds) that I can bowl straight as a laser and better focus on my accuracy. My biggest problem with bowling is that I can never seem to capitalize on a strike or a spare. My next balls after each always seem to gutter or only hit one or two pins. It would be nice to pick up a spare every now and then.

We bowled for over three hours, and during that time Chris and Joe got into an argument about god-only-knows-what that really brought the mood of the evening down. The argument lasted for at least 20 minutes, perhaps as much as 45 minutes before subsiding. We all continued to bowl, regardless, and my score actually improved with me ending the night with a 127 (I beat all the other guys with that). Of course, during the argument, I made attempts at trying to calm the situation down. Trying to pull as much as I could from my psychological studies, and personal experiences in therapy, I attempted to get Chris and Joe to see things from each other's perspectives and try to understand what was motivating the other's behavior. I encouraged each of them to rise above their pettiness and put the argument behind them so that they could enjoy what was left of the evening. Nothing seemed to help, as these two just wanted to keep digging into each other's skin, figuratively speaking. Even though Chris and Joe eventually ended their outward shows of hostility it was clear that, by the end of the night, they were still holding grudges.

This is where it gets interesting, at least to me. As a final bow to the evening, Joe left before the rest of us were ready to go. While doing so, he picked up the bowling tab for ALL OF US. Joe had already sprung $20 for pizza, which mostly he and I ate, and THEN picked up the $30 tab for all of our bowling. Even Chris was flabbergasted by that move. I'm not sure if Joe was trying to show that he was better than Chris by having done that, or if it was one of those angry, spiteful tab pickups that I've been known to do in the distant past. Perhaps you've done something similar. You know those nights where nothing is really going your way, and you just want to get it over with as fast as possible. So, rather than taking the time to behave rationally you just fork over all the cash in your wallet to the service person and leave without even stopping for your change. It's the sort of rash thing that young men are somewhat typical of doing.

At any rate, it was nice to get out of the house and spend time with other people for a change. I'm fairly certain that Joe and Chris will smooth things over in a day or two, since they've known each other for several years. And, even though the guys are all young enough to technically be my sons, I had a good time feeling as though I was, after a long time without this feeling, surrounded by friends. And it's always good to have spare friends around.

Have fun, and keep living life... or some approximation thereof.

You're So Money

Why can't we see ourselves through the eyes of others? I wonder what life would be like if we could. So often, it seems, the "me" that we see isn't the same as the "you" that is the view of the outside world.

Take, for instance, my Brit Lit Professor. I can almost guarantee that her self-image and the image she projects are not even close to parallel. Why am I so sure? Because the image she projects is that of a vaguely sinister, highly condescending research librarian who splits her time between stacks of antiquated literary tomes, her basement dungeon where she dons skin-tight leather, fishnet stockings, and thigh-high stiletto boots while wielding a cat-o-nine-tails as she forces unassuming men to submit to her will and call her "Mistress Kitty", and her blog where she coordinates the Dick Cheney Fan Club because, after the things she's made men BEG her to do to them, waterboarding could HARDLY be considered torture!

All too often, our self-image has a tendency of holding us back from the things in life that we want, and the things which we are capable of achieving. I've mentioned before how I used to see myself as basically helpless to the things which inevitably would happen to me in life. It was a sort of learned helplessness which came from years of being told, as a child by a mother who never won any awards for parenting, that men were only good for sex, and even then weren't that great half the time. I saw relationships as an economic transaction -- I had to spend something in order to get something that I wanted in return. Most of the time, I never thought I had anything of any value to spend. For some situations, I'd spend what money I had, for others I'd spend what sexual ability I had to trade, and for still others I'd trade my natural skills as a counselor. In situations where I didn't have enough money, sex wasn't a tradeable commodity, and counseling wasn't required, I had absolutely nothing to offer. Or, at least that's what I would tell myself, repeating things I'd been taught as a boy.

Of course, the world is filled with examples of people who see themselves in ways different from the objective reality. There are people who stay in abusive relationships because they don't see themselves as capable of existing independent of the other person. There are people who think that their attempts at humor are well-received when, instead, they make everyone around them uncomfortable. There are the young men and women who, after looking at fashion magazines and television and movie stars, feel as though they don't measure up to some imaginary "ideal" of appearance and must starve themselves in order to be accepted even though they were perfectly attractive to begin with, and their attempt to satisfy their self-imposed body image is what actually becomes the horror show. I wish I could tell everyone the truth of how they are REALLY seen by the people around them in a way that would actually make a difference.

I've referenced the movie Swingers before. In the movie, Trent, played by Vince Vaughn, is fond of telling Mike, played by Jon Favreau, "You're so money and you don't even know it!" By this, Trent means that Mike, a down-on-his-luck wannabe actor in LA who just broke up with his fiancee in order to pursue a career which doesn't seem to be going anywhere, has so much to offer the world if only he would wake up and see it for himself. In many ways, despite the cool veneer that Trent projects, Mike is the real deal, a guy with all the qualities that Trent can only pretend to have.

We all have something to offer the world. We all have an inherent value. I know that sometimes it is hard to believe it for ourselves, but it is true. And we don't need to go looking hard to find it, either. We just need to look at the people who really care about us: our family, our friends, our acquaintances. Would we miss any of them if they were gone? What do they offer us that we would lose if they disappeared? Isn't it feasible to believe that WE give those same things BACK to the people we care about? And if, for some reason, we don't, is there some way we can start? Because the value of our lives doesn't have to be measured in dollars, or favors, or sacrifices of ourselves that we make to hold people tight against us like glue. The value of our lives can be measured in how happy the people we care about make us, and how readily we exchange that joy.

Have fun, and keep living life... and remember that you're money, baby!

Snow Days

Snow. We don't get much snow in Raleigh, these days. Usually, we get a light dusting that doesn't do much but give us an excuse to close down the city for a day and sleep in for a morning. Today we got about 2-4 inches of snow. School was cancelled, and will be tomorrow as well. That's fine for me. I wasn't really ready to go to school Wednesday, anyway. I have a stupid "reading log" due in Brit Lit I that I'm not looking forward to doing. We're still stuck on Beowulf, of which I have a 2-5 page paper due Friday. I've only gotten the critical review that I need as a source for the paper, but I haven't begun to write it, yet.

Thanks to the snow, my lunch date with Ashley had to be postponed. I sent her a text message to that effect, and I even tried to call her later in the day, but I never got a response. I'm not too bothered, really. She knows how to contact me if she decides she's interested in rescheduling. Still, it would have been nice to actually go out in public with a member of the opposite sex. I haven't done it in awhile. Of course, I expect a date with Ashley to go about as well as did my last date with a girl about six or eight months ago. She was Japanese, and soon to be going back home to pursue a job. She'd been here for several years working for the National Institute of Health. Don't ask me WHAT she was doing for the NIH, I could barely read the titles of some of the papers she had published while working there, much less understanding what the hell it was she was actually researching. I think it was something to do with immunology. At any rate, we'd been going out as friends, and I wanted to upgrade a little before she went back to Japan. I blew over $100 on dinner and a rock show (we went to see Mike Doughty, which I enjoyed quite a bit, actually) which went over with her about as well as a request for more ice in your sweet tea while sitting on the barge of the Titanic!

Since I didn't have anything better to do, I spent the day trying to do a little homework. I read a chapter in my Environmental Geology book and took a chapter quiz online that I made an A on! I visited my Philosophy Professor's Course Blog and posted a few thoughts in lieu of our in-class discussion period. I also watched the Inauguration of Barack Obama online for several hours and felt a great sense of warmth and satisfaction at being able to witness the swearing in of the first black President of the United States. As I've mentioned before, I've been a backer of Obama since his 2004 speech at the DNC, and I can honestly say that I've never felt prouder of my country, and my political party, for finally getting something right for a change. We've done alot of good in the history of the world, but it seems like it's been a while.

In other news, I've finally been seduced into joining Facebook! I won't post my page here, but if you want to Friend me just leave a comment and I'll send you a link, or look you up and Friend you there. The reason I finally broke down was because I had an invite Sunday night when I got home from the dance from a woman named Laura whom I haven't seen since the New Year's Eve Black and White Swing Ball from 2007-08. Laura is an attractive 41 year old who is currently in grad school trying to go into the same field as I. We've talked several times in the past and seem to have many things in common. In the not-so-off chance that she may read this (since I have a link to the blog from my Facebook page), I probably shouldn't admit this but, in keeping with my sense of honesty up to now, I've long had a bit of a crush on Laura. I've considered asking her out on a few occasions, but never managed to do it since I figured she probably wasn't all that interested in dating a younger guy, and why stir up the pot if I didn't have to. I did manage to kiss her once at the New Year's Eve Ball, but not at midnight. Come to think of it, I've NEVER actually kissed anyone at midnight on a New Year's Eve. Nonetheless, I did enjoy the kiss.

Oh well, such is life.

Have fun, and keep living life... and get back to work, you slacker!

The Twists of Fate and Women

Life seems to take some really odd turns at times. I have a lunch date this Tuesday, January 20th, to eat pizza with a 20 year old girl named Ashley.

I'll let that sink in for a moment.

Yep, I have a date. Ashley is cute, but she smokes and she's had a bit of a wild life in her short time on Earth. I asked her out tonight at the Elk's Lodge while I was swing dancing. Her mother is one of the regulars at the dance. Truth be told, I'm attracted to her mother, too. And her mother is actually closer to my age than Ashley is. But, her mother is already dating someone and, even if she wasn't, she is unlikely to be interested in dating a guy who is in college. I'm pretty sure that my interest in Ashley is purely sexual, which isn't a good reason to ask someone out. It's especially not a good reason when there hasn't been much reciprocal sexual interest expressed.

Ashley wasn't the only girl I wanted to ask out tonight. There is a girl named Joanna who has recently started showing up at the dance whom I'd like to ask out. In fact, when I showed up at the dance tonight I actually intended to ask Joanna to lunch tomorrow, since I figured she wouldn't have to work on Martin Luther King Day. Joanna is probably around 30 years old and doesn't smoke or drink or anything like that, at least not that I'm aware. However, Joanna is apparently somewhat religious, which gives me some pause. I'm not particularly religious despite having grown up as a Presbyterian. You see, I went to a Presbyterian college after high school that pretty much cured me of religion. Ex was religious, but she was a Conservative Jew. I've long been attracted to Jewish girls (I like them even before I find out they're Jewish!) but somehow I wasn't ever bothered by their faith. It wasn't until Ex used her faith, or rather my lack of it, as an excuse for why we would never get married that I began to shy away from the idea of dating a woman who has a particular religious belief.

Joanna seems like a nice girl, and by spending most of the night talking to Ashley I've probably ruined my chance (assuming I had one) with her. The sad thing is I even spent a few minutes tonight toying with the idea of trying to date both girls at the same time, as though I somehow had the money and social wherewithal to maintain such a feat. Didn't I learn from that mistake in high school? I am so not good with women.

Have fun, and keep living life... But try to dance with one partner at a time!

First Impressions Spring 2009 (Part B)

Today was pretty cold in comparison to yesterday. It definitely felt more like winter, and it looks like temperatures will stay in the 40s and 50s for at least the next week. It's about time. This whole global warming thing is really screwing with the seasons. At least, I think that's what it is.

I had my Philosophical Issues class in the morning. It was PACKED. There must have been at least 30 people crammed into a tiny classroom. The professor is one of the professors from my HUM 220 class from last semester. The course seems like it will be reasonably fun, if intellectually challenging, which I guess is the point of education, ultimately. Or, it should be.

This semester, the college is trying to cut back on the use of paper as a way to trim costs. As a result, professors aren't supposed to hand out paper unless they absolutely have to, which means we haven't had any syllabi handed out to us. Instead, we've all had to sit through a lecture on the first day as the professors explain to us what is in the syllabus and how we can go find it posted online for each of our courses at the college's website. It seems a bit tedious, although I do approve the idea of using less paper, if for no other reason than it will hopefully help the environment a little. And besides, we have been hearing talk of a paperless society for at least a decade now (I think I first heard the concept in 1990), so it's about time someone started to act on the idea!

After class I had another two hour break, so I headed back to the library for more reading. I got about halfway through Beowulf. Even though I'm sure I've been assigned to read Beowulf at some point in my life, this is the first time I've ever actually tried to read it. Thankfully, my textbook translates it into (mostly) Modern English so I can understand what it says. Surprisingly, I'm kind of enjoying it. However, I still wonder if I'm not a bit of a masochist for having signed up for British Literature I. Apparently, I could have signed up for British Literature II, which covers more modern era British authors, without having taken British Literature I. I suppose I could try to drop Brit Lit I and sign up for Brit Lit II now, but I'll stick with what I'm in. The scheduling would probably get all messed up, and so far I like this bit of having to sit around for two hours between my classes everyday. It forces me to do homework, as I've said before is my Achilles Heel.

Once the two hour break was over, I headed to my Environmental Geology class. The professor seems nice. She is probably in her late 30s or maybe early 40s. The class is pretty small, maybe 20 people at most. Judging from my professor's description of the class, a great deal of it will be pretty easy, since, as a further cost cutting measure, the majority of our work will be posted online and we will have as much time as we need to complete assignments. All our online quizzes will be open book, as well, since there really isn't a way to police that over the Internet.

So, just from the first couple of days of class, I'm expecting that I should be able to do well in all my classes, with British Literature I being the course I'm most concerned about at the moment. I shouldn't get too cocky, though, since I can easily screw up a good thing, as I've learned all too often in life. With a little bit of effort, however, I'm hoping that I can get either straight A's this semester or straight B's. Realistically, if I put forth the work, I should have no problem getting a mix of B's and A's, which I really need in order to make up for the pounding my already insufficient GPA took last semester.

Have fun, and keep living life... or some approximation thereof.