Still Alive...

Have Portal Gun Will Travel

Despite the long break since my last posting, I am still alive. I managed to have a brief reprieve from absolute destitution in the form of a job. I worked for four months as a car salesman for a local car dealership before the franchise was sold to a competitor and I was laid off, having been a recent hire with no established sales track record. It happens, although I wish that I had been able to keep the job a little bit longer, for no other reason than I was finally able to eat regularly. I even went out to eat at The Raleigh Times a few times. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend their burgers, and the Blatherskite Scottish Ale from the Raleigh Brewing Company. It sort of tastes like the perfect blend of Red Stripe and Stella Artois, my two favorite beers. I would say that it has the clean taste of Stella without the astringent quality, and the deep flavor of Red Stripe without the bitter aftertaste.

Now that I'm back to being unemployed, I am largely in the same position as I was during the first five months of the year. I desperately search the online job postings every day in search of some job which would serve my needs, hoping that I get callbacks for the jobs I want, and feel vaguely qualified for, rather than the jobs which I would only accept based on pure desperation for a steady paycheck. And, as before, I don't seem to get called for the good paying office gigs I would like, nor the low paying grocery store/fast food/convenience store jobs which I would take to benefit my survival. With unemployment in the city still hovering around 6-7%, I don't have a lot of expectations that things will improve quickly. And, with the recent government shutdown adding pressure to social safety nets which were already in a precarious state thanks to the inconsistent moral values of our elected "leaders", I am stuck wondering when my hopes for a better future will ever be realized.

Scottish Fiction

Shirley Manson makes me want to visit Scotland

I should probably be reading right now, instead of writing this post. However, this is ME we're talking about, and when in the history of ever have I actually done the things that I'm SUPPOSED to do in a timely fashion?

Thankfully, I received my financial aid money this morning. The timing couldn't have been better, as my bank account only had about $2.80 as of last night. Before heading to school this morning, I went online and got my bills caught up, which consumed around $700 of my money in a few minutes. By now, though, I'm rather accustomed to this twice yearly routine, as I always end up letting my bills fall by the wayside for a few months as I survive on a steady diet of macaroni and cheese until my next hit of economic prosperity arrives such that I might eat like a normal person until the end of the next semester.

Today's class load wasn't too bad, as I only had to deal with Great Works of Western Literature and my Behavioral Psych Lab. I also got to have lunch with my friend Johnnie, which was nice. We had the opportunity to trade stories about our hot professors. Apparently, we both got lucky this semester. My literature professor is hot in that academic sense I mentioned previously. She is likely in her early 40s, with long brown hair, and a slim physique. Usually, I don't prefer skinny women, as I've always liked boobs and butts. Unless a woman is literally "tits on a stick", as they say, thin ladies just don't have an abundance of things for my hands to play with. That said, Ex was thin, as a dancer, and I found things about her body that I enjoyed.

One Thing Leads to Another

What a week! It definitely had its ups and downs. It started easily enough. I turned in my final paper in American Literature, then I skipped out on my reviews in my other classes. Since my grades have been good all semester I didn't really need the reviews. I worked on my final presentation in Humanities, a lecture on Colony Collapse Disorder.

Then Wednesday hit. I was dealt not one, but TWO bad pieces of news. First, I was denied acceptance to NC State due to my grades. I had known it was a little bit of a long shot, since I wasn't even close to the 3.0 GPA requirement, but it was still a disappointment. For about an hour I entertained the possibility of applying to UNC Asheville, since they only require a 2.0 GPA minimum. The problem with UNCA is that I would have to move to Asheville, and that is an extra hassle and expense that I don't want to deal with.

The second bit of bad news involved financial aid. Thanks to my failing two classes several semesters ago, and withdrawing from British Literature last semester, my course completion rate fell to 64%. Unfortunately, it needs to be at least 67% to qualify for financial aid. According to the Financial Aid Office, my completion rate will probably be back above 67% after I finish exams for this semester, but until that gets processed through the system I will have to pay for tuition and books out of my own pocket! The problem, of course, is that I am down to my last $1000 of financial aid money. And since I won't be seeing anymore money until February, I really need that money to live on. Naturally, that creates a conundrum, since if I don't use the money to pay tuition I won't receive ANY financial aid in February because I won't actually be enrolled in school! In other words, I am really over a barrel on this one.

Exams went well, though. My final presentation for Humanities was pretty good. Then, my two math exams were easy. I should make an A in Survey of Math. My American Literature exam was a killer, though. The quote identification section was easy, but we had to write two page and a half long essays with text citations. The essays were worth 30 points EACH! I'll be lucky to make a B in that class. I enjoyed American Literature, but it was definitely a challenge.

My Statistics exam is Monday, but I'm not worried. My professor gave us an Excel spreadsheet to calculate our grades, and I only need a 68 on the final to still make an A in the class. Since I never made less than a 93 on any of the tests, I should sail through easily.

Now, if I could just figure out how to get $650 by next Friday, I'd feel alot better about my life.

Have fun, and keep living life... Or some approximation thereof.

Swamped

This past week has been brutal at school. I had to do an annotated bibliography for Humanities that involved TWELVE SOURCES and between a half page and a page of summary for each entry. On top of that, I've had to read two short stories for American Lit, and do Math homework and Statistics homework. This weekend I have a five page Literature paper to write, Math homework, a Statistics quiz to study for, and I still have two short papers for Humanities that I need to write that were due weeks ago!

The coming week doesn't seem like it will let up much, either. Besides the Statistics quiz, I have an Excel project and quiz for Math, I need to prepare a five minute PowerPoint presentation for Lit class, and I may have jury duty Wednesday, which will just throw everything out of whack. I wouldn't have minded jury duty so much had it come over the summer when I wasn't really busy. But during a semester when I'm struggling to make straight A's, and falling slightly short in a couple classes, it just comes as a bothersome and unnecessary distraction.

I am still hoping to get accepted to State soon, but because it is still hanging in the air whether or not my GPA will be sufficient, I am needing to register soon for another semester at Wake Tech, just in case. I have enough credits for an Associates Degree, or I will after this semester, so I am really out of classes that I want or need. I may sign up for a couple Psychology classes, but beyond that I have no clue what to take.

Seeing as I've been a little overwhelmed lately with school -- I'm not used to actually doing work -- I am a little concerned with how I will manage to cope at State when the classes are harder and the professor-to-student ratio is considerably lower. And the cost of school will be higher at State, which means financial aid won't extend as far. Unless my stocks begin to pay off quick, I may be forced to get a job, which will only push my education goals further from my reach.

Right now isn't a good time to look for a girlfriend. At the moment I don't have the time or the money to devote to dating. But lately I've been feeling a little isolated and it would be nice to fill the loneliness. As a result, I've been thinking about Ex again as a sort of self-medication. She has become my latest imaginary girlfriend, filling a space held by so many other girls before her.

Is it bad that I often seem to be walking the fine line between sanity and delusion?

Have fun and keep living life... or some approximation thereof.

Health Reform Even a Conservative Should Love

This week my friend Osterberg, a hopeless Conservative, engaged me in a debate on healthcare. For his part, the argument against healthcare reform surrounds the issue of who should pay for it. Naturally, he resents the rich being made to pay higher taxes to support Obama's healthcare plan.

I'm not sure why Conservatives are such selfish bastards, especially since their Christian Bible says that it's harder for a rich man to get to Heaven than for a camel to get through the eye of a needle. Perhaps their Bible doesn't say that, but I'm pretty sure that the Jesus in their Bible never charged money to heal the sick. And since Conservatives are fond of pretending that the US is a Christian nation, why can't they see the value of government curing the sick for free? It's sad when increasingly atheistic European nations actually promote so-called Christian values like caring for the sick and the poor more readily than the US!

With regard to the money question, why can't Conservatives see that, even with higher taxes, they will actually make more money in the long run if the US has a Single Payer Health Insurance System (which ISN'T what Obama is working toward, but which is easier for me to argue the case for than that twisted clusterfuck of a program he IS promoting)? Currently, health insurance is a costly burden for companies to provide for employees. Small businesses often forego offering it at all. Even Wal-Mart has been criticized for not providing health insurance to more of its workers, instead encouraging them to use Medicaid. Several years ago, the head of General Motors said the company spent more on healthcare than on steel for its cars! And a major reason that US manufacturing jobs have moved to Canada and Mexico is because those nations provide free healthcare for all their citizens. If the US provided Single Payer healthcare for all, then companies would save untold billions of dollars every year. And, since Conservative CEOs are selfish pricks you can bet that alot of those extra savings would go right into their wallets. Of course, it would also save more US jobs, as well, since companies would have less cause to move elsewhere.

But, would Single Payer Healthcare benefit Osterberg financially? Well, yes. Aside from the obvious savings his family would glean from using the system, his wife happens to be a dentist. There are currently around 50 million uninsured people in the US. Some of them most certainly live in Osterberg's town. If they were to suddenly be covered by a Single Payer System there would be more people seeking dental care. That means more clients for Osterberg's wife which means more money for his family. And, of course, I have no idea if her practice provides health coverage for her employees, but, again, Single Payer would save her business money if that is the case.

There is NO logical rationale for opposing a Single Payer System. Even after taxes, opponents (and of course US society at large) stand to gain more than they would lose in the long run. If only the Conservatives would stop reading the Book of Genesis long enough to see that for themselves!

Have fun and keep living life... and tell your Senators and Congressmen that you want Single Payer Now!

The Ebb and Flow of My Personal Economy

I spent the day being responsible for a change. I did my taxes and renewed my FAFSA information for the next school year. It cost over $80 to do my federal and state taxes online. This is the first year I tried doing it that way, but since I had to claim all of the stock trades I did last year I couldn't use the 1040 EZ form that I've used in the past. At least its done now.

I'm hoping that the info on my FAFSA will help me get a decent amount of financial aid in the fall. Since I didn't have a job after getting fired in late July my income was pretty low. In fact, for the first time in a decade, I'm actually going to get a tax refund this year of around $250.

This school year I had the luxury of living completely on financial aid. Granted, I've now racked up about $5000 in student loans so far, but I suppose that is par for the course for many college students these days. Hell, even Barack and Michelle Obama were still paying off their college loans as of a few years ago.

My financial experiment is FINALLY starting to have some positive movement. After over a month of falling and stagnating in value it seems the market is starting to pick back up for a change. Unfortunately, my stock in Citadel Broadcasting lost half its value when they chose to move to the OTC (over the counter) market. It was already insanely low ($0.11 a share!) when it was de-listed. Sadly, OTC stocks don't have as much dynamism in price since they aren't traded as heavily as those on the NYSE, for example. I'm still holding on to it, for now, in the expectation that it will eventually bounce back before I absolutely have to withdraw it.

Luckily, the other $1000 of my initial investment has been rising. My total experiment is now worth about $2600, in spite of the 50% loss in value of my Citadel stock. That figures out to about a $1000 increase since I began. I am hoping that a combination of good luck and aggressive trading will get me up to around $4000 total by May 1st when I will have no choice but to take out $1000 to get through the month.

The really frustrating part of relying on financial aid for my living expenses is how to make the money last until my next aid check, which in this case isn't expected until probably late September at the earliest. That was one of the big reasons I chose to engage in this financial experiment in the first place. I wanted to see what was possible rather than accepting what was rational. Let's face it, no fully rational mind would think of doing this. The risk is too great (as I've already experienced) and the rewards are left up to too much chance. Still, it seems like less of a risk (to me, anyway) than just taking $2000 to a casino or buying lottery tickets.

Have fun and keep living life... or some approximation thereof.

The Doctor is In

I couldn't decide between a picture of Doctor Who, or the Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager for this post. Oh well...

In my first post I encouraged anyone who wanted advice from a wannabe therapist psych major to leave comments and I'd try to give responses in my posts. Well, no one took me up on the offer. But, that's okay because I just found my first client. Unfortunately, it's Chris!

We met in my office, a booth in the non-smoking section of Waffle House. It should be noted that Chris is your typical libido driven, non-smoking, non-drinking, 19 year old male with too many opportunities for sex and not enough self-esteem to fully succeed at being a player. The thing is, Chris second guesses his every move with women but then doesn't like, or take, the advice that people give him when he comes calling for help. Much of the time, it seems, he'd be so much better off if he'd actually listen to what other people have to say.

I guess the truth is that Chris doesn't really want advice. Chris wants validation. He wants someone to tell him that he is doing the right thing and that his relationship problems are the fault of the women he dates. I'll grant that the girls he dates aren't exactly the cream of the crop, but, ultimately, he chose them, and he chose to set up situations where they could abuse his boundaries, or lack thereof.

You see, Chris falls repeatedly into the trap that so many young men, myself included, set for themselves and the women they date. Namely, Chris spends exorbitant sums of money on women believing that he is doing it to "treat them like princesses." By the way, guys REALLY do believe this when they're young and stupid. The problem is, of course, that women think the money comes with a price. It does... but not the one they think. Guys, on a deep subconscious level, think that if they spend money it will make women love them. If they spend more money, women will love them even more. Often, it takes years for us to learn that this doesn't actually work. Typically, we don't learn the lesson until after it costs us the one girl we loved the most. That's how I had to learn it, anyway.

I want Chris to learn before it's too late, but I know that he won't. He can't. He has to really hurt in order to learn, and he doesn't know what real hurt feels like, yet. He still lives with his parents and they still bank roll him to a great extent. That's another thing about the lesson, you have to lose YOUR money AND your girl to truly learn it.

Truth be told, while I don't mind doling out free advice to my friends, I don't want to become his therapist, as I've already discussed that I used to use my counselling skills as a tradeable commodity in relationships. Instead, I want Chris to be my friend because he wants to be my friend, and not because he can use me for free therapy. Perhaps now would be a good time for me to practice establishing my own healthy relationship boundaries. Maybe by learning how to keep a friend from taking advantage of me (or, more honestly, enabling them to take advantage of me) I can learn how to be a better--ie., healthier--boyfriend to the next woman I fall in love with.

Have fun and keep living life... And wish us luck!

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

Ah, finally an influx of cash! My financial aid check for this semester came in and I'm now the proud owner of $5400! Well, okay, not really. I owed $400 to the bank, $350 to AT&T, and then my desire to splurge on new toys kicked in.

I ordered a new duel-worthy lightsaber from Ultrasabers for $90 including shipping, and bought a new 320GB Western Digital SATA drive for my computer, which I somehow failed miserably to install, for $80. I think the drive was dead, but I have no way to be sure unless I take my machine to the shop and pay them $60 to diagnose the problem. Of course, that thought led me back to Best Buy for a 500GB Seagate USB external drive so that I could port all my porn off the old drive before taking the machine in for work. There's nothing illegal on my drive, but I just don't need the guys at the shop knowing of my predilections for hot moms and lusty college girls! And, just for the record, my old drive is only 80GB, and no, it wasn't completely filled with porn... only about 40GB!

After my assorted expenditures, I had a bit over $4000 left, so I decided to begin my earlier financial experiment anew. This time I'm starting with $2000 instead of $1000 like before. This provides me with a couple of benefits over last time. For one thing, with $2000 I should be able to double my initial investment faster than before, and I can also divide my investment over more stocks at once which should provide some added security from the inevitable downturns which come from each stock individually. Also, my investment account was recently changed to allow trading with unsettled funds. Formerly, when this wasn't allowed, it slowed me down considerably because it forced me to wait three days between each buy/sell cycle. Now, I should be able to sell and buy all within the same day.

The thing is, right now I'm feeling antsy for things that cost money. I want to build a new computer so that I'll be ready to upgrade to Windows 7. My current rig was built exactly five years ago and just won't keep up with all the bells and whistles of newer software. Beyond that, little things are going wrong with my car (the AC doesn't work, the interior lights are shorting out, my rear defroster doesn't work, and there is an oil leak from faulty oil sensor switch), and I want to either get them fixed or get a newer, more fuel efficient, car than my 2000 Dodge Neon. And, to top it all off, I'd really like to buy a new bicycle. I haven't ridden a bike for at least 15 years, but I'd like to have a bike for short (under 5 miles) trips to the grocery store, and just general leisure and exercise. Plus, I'd like to be able to save a little gas by not hopping in my car and going for a drive whenever I'm bored. Good quality "city" bikes cost around $800-1000, and I would need a helmet and a bike rack for my car. I haven't even mentioned the fact that I would LOVE to go shopping for new clothes since many of my pants and shirts are wearing out.

Truth be told, I suppose my priority list should be in this order: Car, Clothes, Computer, Bike. Realistically, though, when it comes to money I've never been one for practicality. Knowing me, as soon as I can afford to do so, I'll get the bike, then clothes, then the computer, and I'll just drive my car until it explodes, whether or not I'm actually in it at the time!

Have fun and keep living life... But spend your money wisely!

And a Pocketful of Gold

I finally received my financial aid money from school. The check was for about $3500, but I was in debt to the bank by $500 and had to buy new tires and get my car inspected. Plus, most of my bills were two months behind, so when the dust settled I only had about $1400 left. Fortunately, I'm also going to receive another $2500 soon since I had to update my FAFSA information after losing my job.

This brings me to an experiment that I have been waiting to conduct for about six months, I needed at least $1000 to properly begin the experiment, which may ultimately prove to be either the smartest thing I've ever done or, more likely, the dumbest. I took the $1000 and bought 3600 shares of stock in Citadel Broadcasting (CDL) at a cost of $.26 a share. Using the formula for exponential growth, y=Initial Value x Rate of Change^Time or Number of Calculations, and expeditious use of limit orders, the goal is to steadily buy and sell low cost stocks until the initial $1000 investment grows to at least $100,000, hopefully by the end of six months.

Citadel is either the third or the fifth largest broadcasting company in America, depending on who you ask and what they base their answer on, but its stock took a dive over the last three to five years along with the rest of the economy. I don't plan to wait for it to go back up to $5 a share, but I'll be happy for it to hit $.35 with a week or two. Naturally, though, the stock dropped over the two days immediately after my purchase to $.20/share. That's just par for the course for me!

I recently told someone that I needed this experiment to work or else I was going to have to find a job! You see, I've always been pretty work averse. I've long said I could never work two jobs because I'm barely willing to work one. That's why I worked at the radio station for ten years; It was BARELY one job! That's sort of how I perceive being a psychotherapist. I can get paid to stick my nose in other people's business. And since I've been doing that for 20 years for FREE it seems like a good calling, if I can just manage to make it through school, that is.

I've always dreamt of achieving the Communist Ideal in this Capitalist world, namely by having so much money that I can't spend it all, so that all my needs and wants are taken care of, and I can spend the rest of my life engaged in personal growth and spiritual fulfillment (learning, travelling, helping the poor and homeless).

Since I was a kid I've thought that my life was being wasted and that somehow I was capable of making the world a better place, if only I could get turned in the right direction or somehow gather enough money. I used to wonder, long before I'd ever heard of Communism, how much better humanity would be if none of us ever needed money again and we could all just work toward making the world a better place. For now, though, I look to the words of Robert Plant: "I live for my dreams... And a pocketful of gold."

Have fun, and keep living life... or some approximation thereof.