Sunday, May 31, 2009

More Edicts From Your Benevolent Overlord

I knew I'd have more ideas to pass down to my loyal subjects from my throne on high. Behold more wisdom from your honorable sage:

1. Allow all US taxpayers to assign their tax dollars to programs they support. Conservatives complain that their tax dollars are spent on social programs which only benefit the "lazy" (apparently code for minorities, women, college students, the elderly, injured veterans, and anyone who travels on federal highways, uses legal medications, or eats processed food products!). Liberals complain that their tax dollars are spent to support fascism (code for the military industrial complex, the Department of Homeland Security, and The Patriot Act). So, from now on we should put a Scantron style form in all tax documents with a list of 100 key governmental agencies/programs. People could fill in the dots for the programs they want their money to support. People would be less reluctant to pay taxes if they felt as though they had control over where their money was going.

2. Dismantle the Federal Communications Commission. It frustrates me to no end that we have a First Amendment guaranteed freedom of speech in the US, but we also have a governmental agency which can order fines against TV and radio broadcasts which say "dirty" words or show nudity but which offers no such fines for depictions of graphic violence. The federal government should not be in the business of regulating content. The FCC should only regulate frequency allocation so that TV/radio signals don't interfere with communication devices and frequencies used by military and emergency responders such as police, fire, and ambulance providers.

3. Strip Liz Cheney naked, cut hundreds of small slits in her flesh, then pour lemon juice into the cuts while forcing her to sing "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" at the top of her lungs. As with her father, I don't have a reason for doing this other than it seems like it would be alot of fun!

4. Make it illegal for any corporate CEO, athlete, actor, or musician to earn more than $10 million a year. It is the height of obscenity to live in luxury while your typical employee or fan is living paycheck to paycheck, or can hardly afford to see you perform. Those resources would be better spent curing disease, educating children, or eliminating poverty. And if you honestly think that a $10 million pay cap is TOO LOW you deserve to be executed!

5. Require Congress to tie their raises to increases in the Federal Minimum Wage. Why should Congress be able to vote for their own pay raises while US citizens get nothing extra in return? Congress should no longer be able to raise their salaries without increasing minimum wage by at least 10%. If they think they deserve a "cost of living adjustment" then they are tacitly agreeing that EVERYONE deserves an adjustment.

That's enough for now, although I'm already thinking of new things to enact once I take over the world!

Have fun and keep living accordance to your Benevolent Overlord.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...